It's been a month since I last wrote in this journal. Ahh... the healing in the return. So here I am once again, always always, here I am.
Tonight - as I laid beside my daughter as part of her bedtime routine, we got into the topic of death. life and interdependence. She had picked up a book "Berenstain Bears Grow It! Mother Nature Has Such a Green Thumb" at our local street library and learned about plants, their growing process and death (when we eat them). We talked about CO2 and O2 and how are givers and receivers of life and how much we really depend on each other. "Isn't it beautiful?" I asked her when I held the space of how - if you think and feel it - how we are all "one."
At some point, I realized and shared this with my daughter that, "That's how, even if my physical body is no longer here -- I still / we are still here." My daughter looked at me and I saw her round eyes scanning my face - and I stared in her eyes. Her eyes started to tear up and I felt the unveiling there or maybe even the peeling of impermanence. Tears ran down the side of her cheeks, looking at me and clutching my hand and said, "I'm going to miss you mama.... can I love another mom?" (this kid). "I sure hope so kiddo" And told her that love does not divide, it only multiples. I asked if she loved her grandma, grandpa, cousin, auntie and uncles --- and she said yes. So I reminded her, "see baby... love grows.... that and I'm not going anywhere, any time soon."
"This is why we are present for every moment."
"We may never know when it is our last."
Musings of a mama.